You and Fear

“I’m shy” I whispered in a breath.

” I know” he answered.

He did not add anything more, he was not trying to convince me to go through with it but I know deep down he was hoping I would take a step.

My red blouse was feeling too warm and my heels were not really helping my uncoordinated self.

“Shy” was not quite the world I was looking for, I was literally petrified.

Everyone was dancing, not only dancing but there were some fierce salsa and gracious waltz in the room. I felt like a stranger, my pale skin in contrast with all their dark skins, my pale eyes staring back at their big black curiously amused look. An outsider – with two left feet.

And then it took me by surprise, this feeling of envy mixed the sour taste that I was not one of them. And would never be. My fear was burning me from inside out. The fear of being judged was making my cheeks flushed and my stomach turn. To go or not to go? To dance or to choose the sofa? I mean, let’s say for my inner argument’s sake that I was not smart, that I was not kind and that my personality was awful, would they make fun of me? The answer was probably, because at this instant my personality, no matter how lovely it could ever be, did not matter because all they could see was the first impression I gave them: a clumsy shy being who refuses to dance.

My heart was failing. Skipping beats. It was pounding in my ears like some mixed drummer boy hitting his tambourine wrong. Shaking my head trying to make sense out of the situation, I unleashed my courage. I took my heels off and barefoot I let my hair down.

“Ridiculous,” I thought.

Probably, yet as all eyes landed on me, I did not see the confusion I was apprehending draw itself on their faces, I saw the encouraging smiles and open hearts.

I started dancing, under the surprised look of the one I loved. “Idiotic,” I thought. Calculating the chances that he’d be impressed by my courage instead of embarrassed by my poor talent, I reached for his hand.

As his body pressed on mine and we started waltzing in the middle of the group, I felt like I could finally breathe. Unknow steps and complex melody yet I could feel a smile of joy spreading on my traits.

Although I did not exactly know what I was doing, I never felt this good. This free. This powerful and this proud.

I had learned my greatest lesson: In order to have my life, to get what I wanted, in order to gain in my life, I had to win over fear. And when I won over fear, I gained my whole life back. Once you come over the feeling of oppression and you face fright, you get your power back.

You can conquer the world, one fear at the time. Get out of your comfort zone and win all fights if you only dare.

Photo by Luciana Sena

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