The opening statement on perfect manners in any given situation

• oh Ma’am excuse me, I hope you are not going too far with these heavy bags! Would you like me to accompany you?

The old lady looks at me, surprised. 

• They’re certainly aren’t many left like you my child, I live down the street, you are sure you don’t mind?
• Hahaha, positive Ma’am. 

I take her bags, and walk back home with her, she seemed very pleased, and it made me much happier than it probably made her. My mother always says: my kids are the nicest and the sweetest. She raised us to be so. But how do you start a journey to an impeccable range of manners that distinguish you from anyone else?

Manners speak much before you do, no budging on it, etiquette is sending a message to the world about who you are before you even present yourself.

Learning manners can be hard, there are many, and they are very particular on every point, from table manners to bus etiquette. The world is filled with hundreds of ways to be polite and yet, little of us know how to use any of them. So where do you start, how to you get to retain every single manner and act “properly”?

Truth is, manners are easy once you understand you understand the basics of the mind, the body and the soul.

Soul

“Manners” is one genuine manner and it’s very easy: Treat everyone with the same kindness of heart.  

Really? Really. 

Manners are about treating the CEO, the janitor, the Queen of England, the kids, the elders, your Mother, the homeless,  all with the same level of respect. 

It’s about giving your hand, smile, time to people needing it. It,s all about giving pieces of your heart wherever you go, retaining the rudeness, ending the coarse and suppressing the vulgarity, so you can have that one genuine manner of simple kindness, implied in any situation and at any moment. It’s a fix of the heart. The inside reflects on the outside, whoever wants to be refined, must refine their hearts first. 

Body

First of all, expand your reality. You pick up from your environment, so make sure it reflects the person you want to be. 

If you want to upgrade anything in life, you have to be around it, attract it. If you want manners and to be elegant, you have to choose your way through it, that means putting yourself in a position that might make you uncomfortable, that might make you feel like the elephant in the room, but it’s only by putting yourself out there that you upgrade. You have to expand your reality, your vision of the world, expand what you know and your comfort zone, that’s how you grow. An example of reality expansion you could use, is going to an expensive restaurant and order a coffee or have dinner if you want,  but put yourself in that position where you feel uncomfortable because the people around you seem to be in some “upper class”. Although the whole “upper class” concept is subjective, usually, they are much better at manners and elegance than anyone else. But yourself in a position of discomfort and you’ll be amazed at how you can adapt. 

Secondly, don’t be in a rush. Slow down your all motion, have a determined attitude and nothing resembling laziness, but don’t be in a rush. Manners command some special attention, you have to be able to observe, and take action at the right moment. Being in a  hurry is never elegant anyway, take time to do things properly.

Mind 

But how do you think of doing it, how do you learn every manner in the book?

You don’t. Obviously, to have impeccable manners you’ll have to go through a few principles like table manners, please and thank you, business etiquette and many others but you can also make it very simple. 

Think about everything you do, and now think about the kindest way you could do it. 

It is that easy. 

Manners are basically the art of being very kind to anyone or anything, very polite in any given situation and not budge. Even the toughest situation making you squirm, requiring all your will-power, you must stay impartial and not lose it. Think about the nicest way you can do or say (absolutely) anything. 

 There is a lot of delicacies involved in manners, it’s the way you hold a cup and shake a hand, you have to be focused on how to do this with kindness. Eventually, it will come naturally, it’s a mindset to adopt. 

There is something absolutely mesmerizing in someone who masters it completely, who can tell someone to stop bothering with them with the most equal tone and nicest words, a lot of wit is required and some unsinkable strength of being. There is something completely whimsical about someone who moves so gracious in the world because they are kind to everything and everyone, a lot of graciousness is then required. But if you adopt a determined and focused behaviour towards it, you get there eventually. 

Here are a few books you can read to get a better sense of manners :

• Gracious: A Practical Primer on Charm, Tact, and Unsinkable Strength by Kelly Williams Brown  
•  The Ladies’ Guide to True Politeness and Perfect Manners or, Miss Leslie’s Behaviour Book by Eliza Leslie
• How to be Lovely: The Audrey Hepburn Way of Life by Melissa Hellstern 
• The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette by Nancy Tuckerman

We hope you stay as bold as you are, if you loved that article, please like and share. 

What is your best manner and which one should you work on? 

Kindest regards,

your boldest friend

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