Hi, my favourite hooman beans and munchkins. I hope the holidays are treating you well and that you are taking as much time as you need to rejuvenate yourself. I always love that time because of its smell, colours, lights, ambience, there is something unnoticeable yet palpable in the air whenever the holidays arrive. People rush to the store to buy presents, children are way too excited to see what Santa Claus will put under the tree, students cannot wait to go home to their families and friends, the mood is just fantastic. Each and every one of us find the time to buy a little something that is significant to the people we care about and we want people to eat their faces off because well that is what the holidays are all about right?
After we finish our food, we start thinking about the year ending and the one to come. We think about what we are proud of, what we are not, what we would do better versus what we would never do again. We make lists, listing from 1 to “God knows what” about our resolutions: “This year is my year”, “This year, I’ll definitely be a better person”, “This year this” and “this year that”. We make ourselves believe we will follow some rules or schedules to ensure that we succeed in our own expectations. When we do not meet them, what do we do? We somehow weirdly blame the year: “I thought 2017 was going to be my year”, “Man, this year sucks”, “Is it I or 2018 was alright until it wasn’t”. We blame the time and its surroundings when really, I believe, think and know that the only person or thing to blame is us, you, me and the way we take action into our lives.
Do you recognize my title? If not, it is okay. If yes, you must love musicals or at least recognize that the sentence comes from the infamous song My Shot from Lin-Manuel Miranda’s musical comedy Hamilton (Note: it is by far my favourite musical ever!!!!!!!) The writer of the musical read the book Alexander Hamilton by Ron Chernow in 2004 and it took 11 years or so before the first performance was seen Off-Broadway in 2015. I repeat, it took ELEVEN YEARS for Lin-Manuel Miranda to present a show he was proud of to the public eye. Do you know how successful Hamilton is? It is one of the most expensive musicals to see on Broadway and it is almost always full. The epidemic that is the show is worldwide: Australia, London, Toronto, Boston, Chicago, South America (I do not remember where but I know.) It took eleven-year for a man to believe in his dream and believe in his abilities to render something he thought would be good, funny and appreciated by everyone.
Why exactly am I mentioning Lin’s success? Let me explain. Not so long ago, I was on Instagram like the many other days I spend on the app, and I saw way too many posts about how 2019 seemed to be the year but not really, on 2020 better be good or better be my year or how 2019 started okay and just went downhill. And then people were commenting AND blaming the yearS and I push on Y-E-A-R-S, because The Year did not make someone happy or deliver greatness in a person’s life. To that, my initial reaction was to close my phone and do something else but I also got really REALLY mad. Like what the fuck do you expect TIME to do for you? Time is not a person, Time has its own schedule AND Time is not in control of your life. It is part of it and it can affect it, but you, my dear friend, YOU ARE THE FRICKING DRIVER AND YOU BETTER START DRIVING NOW BECAUSE TOMORROW MIGHT BE TOO LATE.
I’m done ranting.
Seriously munchkins, I am mad that some of you think like this, I am going to put myself in the same situation, I used to think like this. I used to blame the years and be like: “Why does anything happen to me?”, “Why am I this, why am I that?” It took me a while to understand. I needed to experience something to get back up on my feet. Summer 2017… I hate this summer more than any summers in the world but at the same time, I love it. That summer killed me. I went through a weird stage with someone I held dear to my heart and next thing you know, I was not part of that person’s life anymore. We had known each other for 9 years. Just like that, 9 years became transparent memories my brain withheld, 9 years became just “something that happened” and not “do you remember when…” Just like that, 9 years to me seemed like I had WASTED my TIME, that if I had known, I would not have let myself go through all the pain I did. Early 2018, I cannot say that I had depression, I can tell you however that I was depressed: crying every night, drinking when I did not want to just to feel high, eating for no reason, doubting myself, telling myself that I am shit for letting something like that happen, questioning my person “Do I know who I really am?” re-evaluating my life. I guess I was in a big denial, I was hoping the person would come back to me, that my life would come back to me. I did not want to school, nothing motivated me except musicals so, I did 3 musicals back to back just to keep me from thinking of that situation. I WAS A MESS.
Late 2018, I flirted with the things I hate: lust, angst… flirting… I was confused, so confused and I blamed the world for what was happening to me: “Why is this happening to me? I am always nice. I always smile. I open the door for people. I give my money to the poor. I sing in a church, I mean I ain’t no saint but I am not bad, so what’s up world? Why me, of all the people you could hurt, WHY ME?”
The answer is: the world did not have anything to do with what happened to me. Reality is I got to truly see who was the “friend” I was friends with, who were the people in my life, what were my ambitions and projects in life. Reality is things happen just because they do. I had no control over them, which is sometimes how life works. You never know what tomorrow will bring. You can be rich today, poor tomorrow, poor today, poor tomorrow, unknown today, famous tomorrow, you just never know. The best part of all this crap: some people in your life ACTUALLY ROOT for you, want you to strive and become better in everything you are doing. Not everyone is a snake in your life but beware for those who are.
Wanna know what I did? In all my misery, I started writing, I have always wanted to share my thoughts and ideas with the world. I always wanted to help someone in need, always aspired to be a better version and to motivate people to do the same. So I did it. I started my own blog on December 10, 2018. I wrote a few lines and that was it. I did it. I DID IT. When people asked me then what I wanted to change about that year, that depressive, not-so-good-of-a-year-2018, how-could-you-do-this-to-me-2018, I replied: “Nothing. I would not change a single thing about that year.” That year represents taking control of my life, affirming that I am who I am and I am beautiful, I am strong, I am B0LD. 2019 after that was a blast: I travelled, wrote many articles, made new friends, stepped outside of my comfort zone, did a musical, wrote one with other comedians, had many arguments with my friends, grew spiritually and emotionally, became crazier and most importantly LOVED MYSELF JUST THE WAY I AM.
I am not sharing a part of my story to make you feel bad or to brag about what I accomplished. It might be nothing to you when to me, it means everything. I am sharing this because I want to tell you this: get up on your two fucking feet, take yourself by the hand and walk. I do not care if you go 5 km per hour and the other goes 126, JUST DO IT, strive, push, accomplish, FAIL, get back up, try something new, evolve, smile, learn, be EXQUISITE AND B0LD. Yes, it is hard. No one said it was going to be easy and if someone did, that person was lying. Listen to booboo, you are not the only one hurting, you are not alone. There are 10 thousand millions of opportunities out there for you to take and I do not want you to sit and mourn on something that happened. I did that, and I learned that sometimes, bad things happen for good things to come. Sometimes what you think is bad is just life cleaning your life for you. Next thing you know, you’ll be grateful.GRATEFUL, I tell you. There are times when we walk and we do not see the light at the end of the tunnel. It is there, trust me. If not, get out now, TOXIC AREA. I am not telling you to not feel down when something happens, AT ALL. I am saying that there is a time to mourn and there is a time to get back up on your FEET. You got this, do not worry.
Be an Alexander Hamilton and DO NOT THROW AWAY YOUR SHOT. Let the world laugh at you for dreaming too big, let the world tell you you’re nothing but this and you’re nothing but that, let the world stop you AND let them see how you can tackle them, how you can reach for the stars, how you can vanquish and accomplish far more. Let the world see the light that you are, in any shape and form. Maybe, just like him, you’ll be known as one of the Founding Fathers of the United States of America. Maybe you’ll be known as someone who defied the rules and wrote 51 essays to promote the ratification of the US Constitution. Be an Ali Stroker who is the first female actress to use a wheelchair in a Broadway Musical and win a Tony. Be a Gandhi who spread peace on Earth. Be a Lin Manuel Miranda who strived to make something work out of his thoughts and musical genius. Be a You, a unique you who works hard and pushes, who works hard, who stands up for strong beliefs.
Here are a few tips:
- Wake Up Early in the morning.
- Make a schedule
- Make tiny lists (or lists you know can achieve during the day)
- GIVE YOURSELF A PEP TALK IN THE MIRROR (the wonders it’ll do for you)
- Be Positive.
- Love and treat yourself right.
- Be Bold and TAKE RISKS WORTH TAKING.
In all, I wish you the greatest holidays, I wish you love and laughter with your loved ones. For the new year to come, I wish for you to open your eyes to new things, to discover yourself in a way you never did before. Take care of yourselves, really.
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Until next time my dear munchkins, Happy New Year xx