Affirmation no.53: I never start the fight, but I sure know how to end it.
Hello and Welcome,
If you have not read the article on the power of affirmation you may want to have a look into it to understand fully this series.
We are elegant people, most certainly with kind hearts and very little desire to start fights. We are refined people and may never want to get in a fight anyway. Unfortunately, life is not always a peaceful stroll in the park, and you may encounter people who will push your buttons, sometimes, the people you love the most will also be in this category (deplorable but true). Luckily for you, I hate conflicts but I also hate losing an argument, which makes a pretty good duo as I will do anything to avoid it, but once you’re on, you are on.
The first part is measuring the whole situation and deciding on the first step to take, and it is a crucial one because depending on which you choose, it will determine the rest of the conversation :
- Walk away
If you judge that this argument is leading nowhere, walking away is always the best way of winning, excuse yourself and remove yourself from the situation.
There is something oddly satisfying to staying silent when someone is trying to pick a fight. Now, I know this may be tempting but do not roll your eyes, give them a dirty look and give an attitude, it will make things worst and you will have to start all over again. Rolling your eyes is just as bad as saying a despicable comment, so hold it together and keep those eyeballs in place if you want to be a real master of the silence treatment.
- Saying sorry
Only say sorry for things you are truly sorry for, for things you did wrong, admitting you are wrong does not make you weak in any way, it makes you strong and mature. Saying your sorry is part of the process, especially with your loved ones.
- Pick your battles.
before taking part in something, ask yourself if it is truly worth it. There are chances that the more you grow as a person the less you will find that arguing is worth it, just get out of the situation by a “ are we really arguing about this?” and depending on the response you can either refer to step 1 to 3 or keep reading.
- Fighting with the same weapons
You fight the cold with a parka and boots, but you fight the heat in a sundress and Bermudas, you adapt to the opponent. Same comes with a regular fight one person to another. You have to adapt to the person right in front of you, mirror the effort, the body language to either calm things down or escalate them to eventually drive it to an end.
- Speak the same language
What is meant by this is “what is the value behind the outburst ?” usually people get into fights because a value or their morality which they feel strongly about is broken such as equity or respect or authenticity or honesty, find out what this value is and start from there. You can not end a fight gracefully if you do not know what they are fighting for. Appeal to the higher values.
First of all, do not listen to answer but listen to understand and then think of your answer, this way you will be much more logical and you will be able to gather information rather than getting in the heat of the fight. Plus it gives you the advantage of being in a better position to realize if something does not make any sense and then point it out.
- Fight Fair
It’s not about outscoring the other with a snotty attitude and mean comments. It is about making your way, you are smart enough to have the proper attitude and good comebacks. Use wit and a little bit of sass if necessary.
- Know when to leave
If feelings come in the way and you know you could use your temper, walk away and sort out your thoughts. Or if you judge you have lost enough time on a matter that is unimportant to BOTH in the end, just leave by excusing yourself and let the dust settle. Be the bigger person.
- Argue with their shoes on
Not literally, but try to understand the way they think and turn it on their side. Ask questions, it destabilizes and you will lead the conversation.
- Redefine the terms used in the argument.
As an example purely juvenile the woman is being a “slut”, you could answer I don’t think being a slut is that bad if you mean someone who does exactly what they want with a little sassiness. You just gave a new definition to what was an insult. You can do this with any insult thrown your way, turn it into something positive.
The ultimate element is to believe in yourself, to believe that you will get what you deserve, to believe in your mind and strength, to have full faith upon your abilities and the power that you hold. BØLD is the dynasty of those who aim to be better, for the elite of people in various domains and of various characters that believe in the very best version of themselves. BØLD is the club of those who dare to be and do more. BØLD is the home of those who live passionately and we can only advise you towards the best version of yourself, but the work needs to come from you. We sincerely hope this article helped you and you will never again feel helpless when a confrontation comes.
I believe in you,
xx your boldest friend
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