The Golden Rule and You

Hiya munchkins. How are you all doing? I am just oh so good and fantastic. Really, I promise. Things seem to have changed in my life in the last weeks. Last month’s article wasn’t the brightest of them all but I am better and healthier and excited to talk to you guys as always. By the way, for my musical fans out there, did you know that Hamilton, with the OBC (Original Broadway Cast), is coming out this July 3rd, 2020 instead of in 2021? Guess who is going to binge watch it? (Even though I have found the bootlegged versions illegally…) Anyhow, enough about Hamilton – do I honestly talk about the musical in most of my articles?… Anyhow, I had an idea for an article. I started to write about it, and I got very excited. It is about how to wear sweatpants and heels at the same time – you will understand once you read the so-called article in the future – but these days the same thing kept occurring in my circle of friends and I thought that maybe I had to talk about it. I want to believe that I am not the only one who tackles issues of the sort.

         So, lately, we have been quarantined right? Well, do not judge me but I have not been talking to people a lot. Even my closest friends get slightly tossed aside because I just do not want to talk or I feel exhausted. That is part of the person I am: reserved, introvert, lone wolf. I am much of a lone wolf, Like a REAL lone wolf. It does not take much for me to pack my things and be a nomadic person and then settle down with someone else or a group of other people. To the person I am, it has always been normal. I do not “need” people, just a few, and when they are not available, I do not panic or feel out of place, I adapt because well that’s how I was raised. My mother always told me: “You were born alone, you’ll die alone, in between find trustworthy companions but don’t depend on them because they have their race to run and you have yours”. That is why sometimes I do not understand why people miss me, because frankly I do not miss them or why people feel like I do not want their love and friendship anymore because that is not the case.

         This has been my routine from the day I realized that people will be harsh and mean up until now. However, I realize that even if I function like this, I believe that most people surrounding me are not professional lone wolves. Everyone needs someone, even I do, but not everyone can live on their own without others … or a special someone. A lot has happened this year, giving me the time to reflect on who I am as a person and who I want to be, especially since each and every one of us has time to reflect – Covid-19 wassup? Because I have amazing friends who look up after me and make sure that I am dying in my little hole of loneliness – and people on whom I can rely, I want to share a few things that they have thought me:

1.      In a relationship, whether it is with a friend or a loved one, you are not alone so you have to communicate.

This is hard for me to admit because I might be one of the worst communicators out there. I have a hard time finding the right words to express myself, so I turn to music, and most of the time, I do not even want to talk about my issues because they are mine. However, I keep forgetting that the right people can help you carry part of the burden you carry if you are willing to trust them. When you open up to someone, you might be sharing with someone who has the same emotional baggage as you, and if they have been going through what you are dealing with, they might be the key to your problems. Or at least, the shoulder on whom you cry to unpack your baggage. And trust me when I say that, if you feel ashamed to talk about your feelings, there is nothing wrong about them and they are as much true to you as they are to the person who will listen.

2.      Trust the people in your entourage, and if you do not trust them or feel unsafe, before jumping to conclusions, talk to them.

Putting all your trust into someone is very hard and can be uncomfortable on many levels Trusting means to put your faith into someone and believe that they will be there for you, being a shoulder for you and vice versa. It takes effort and will power to make things work and it takes P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E. If in the beginning of the relationship, you do not sense that, GET THE F*** OUT! P E R I O D T. Honey, listen to me, there are better people out there who will treat you right, this ain’t the one. 

3.      Do not be afraid to be you.

Being a lone wolf is not easy because people do not understand you. They do not get the concept of “I love being alone without anyone else” or they do not understand the “I do not miss people” or the “No, I do not want to chat with people right now because I do not feel like it”. The thing is, people should not shame you and should respect who you are and how you work. It is important to know everyone’s boundary and respect how it works. Like the famous “Golden Rule” states it in the Bible: “Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you.” (Matt. 7:12) Boundaries do not have an evil purpose yet if one is crossed without warning, harm can be done. When someone establishes certain limits to how he/she handles things, it is in your and my duty to communicate and RESPECT the rules. With no rules, there’s anarchy and without respect, well you know where it leads (look at the world around you…)

           This being said, I only spoke about one side of the story. I only spoke about the lone wolf’s side, my side. Truth is, ladies and gentlemen if you think you will achieve anything in life on your own, you are also very wrong. Life is a beautiful thing we get to experience together, right? We get to have similarities, differences, we get to laugh and cry and try and fail and succeed but if we are alone, who do we share these moments with?

         I think that what I am trying to say is, my pack of lone wolves, we have work to do. We have to accept that the world needs us as much as we need part of it. We need to express our needs and accept their needs. The beauty of it all is that in a relation between two people, communication is the main pillar. If words are not spoken, deductions are made, and deductions might be the cause of many breaks in relationships. Life is balanced. There’s good and bad, black and white, negative and positive, and that’s how it is. So there are those who love alone time and those who love people time. It is good for both sides to reach to the other end, and to cultivate the brain by understanding how things function outside of what we know as “our world”. To acknowledge something is one thing, to acknowledge something and work with it in order to become better and open-minded is another.  Let us help each other and understand each other’s whereabouts, let’s talk and acknowledge our differences, let’s understand instead of putting things in boxes because it is different from what we know.

         My dearest munchkins, remember to open your eyes and ears. Seek the truth, learn the truth and share the truth. Always do that with an abundance of love and see how life or God or your surroundings treat you back. There is nothing more validating than giving love to the world and knowing you are doing the right thing.

With all my love


Seb xx

Photo by Oliver Sjöström

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