What Is Love ?

life is tough but so are you.

#byBéka

Love is a word that’s been used in so many ways. It has been translated and transcripted and conjugated in so many forms. But what does it really mean? With the actual society, it feels – to me sometimes –  that it’s nearly lost its meaning to so many people. For example, we say that we love having friends for dinner or to go out for drinks, when actually what we really mean is that we enjoy it. Love is commonly used to discuss romantic feelings and even more to describe sexual attractions or behaviours, but is it the word to express it? honestly, I don’t think so.

In the context of family love –  your significant other – the term refers to the bonds you share and it’s characterized by deep affection, respect, loyalty, and healthy attachment, feelings and behaviours.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

I have decided to talk about this particular subject with you today because, not only it’s my favourite topic of all time, but also it’s probably the single most important thing in my life. What is life without love? nothing at all. In my personal opinion, life without love is a waste, it’s like a novel or a movie without conflicts. It’s a melody with no rhythm. But yet again, what is love? in its greatest shape and form, is it material or superficial? don’t ask yourself this question otherwise, you might fall into a deeper subject – subjectivity or objectivity, discrimination or tolerance – LOVE, in capital letters, in my life,  has been and it’s always going to be the most spectacular, indescribable, deep euphoric feeling for someone, a friend, a family member or a significant one. Love is an incredibly powerful word and feeling. 

Let this article be about your person, whoever may that be! When you’re in love, you always want to be together, and when you’re not, you’re thinking about being together because you need that person. Without them your life is incomplete and even sometimes you feel lost and so insecure. At least, that is how I feel. 

What do you know about true love? What do I know? Well, I have spent quite a time thinking about it. Since I rather use philosophy and reading to nurture my soul,  I don’t think I will ever be satisfied with one answer, because god knows how many thoughts are possible on this particular subject, but here is how I would phrase it right now in my words. It’s an unexplainable yet incredibly strong feeling. It’s when passion meets solitude and desire meets affection. Is there any greater or sharper pleasure than physical love? No, nor is there any pleasure more unreasonable as loving someone without any physical contacts. That is what I learned from reading Plato and experimenting what loving someone means to me.

Unfortunately, on the other hand, though, most people use the word “love” to get into someone else’s pants. Love is overused in today’s world and vocabulary; people say they love someone because of the way they look or their body. That isn’t loving. That is their own satisfaction speaking or being rewarded or whatever.  I don’t think most people understand what true love is. It’s not the cheesy “couple goals” on Instagram. It’s not the fancy dates the romantic walks and silly movies. True love is waking up in the middle of the night to help your person when they are sick. It’s being your shoulder to cry on, to vent to or to share the most embarrassing secret with. True love is your biggest fan and toughest advocate. True love is looking at each other on a spiritual level, a level so deep, that you feel like the whole “life as we know it” is no longer that. Love to me is the desire for their soul whilst lust will be the desire I feel for their body. 

If you are blessed enough to have that one person who is your other half, your go-to person, someone who gets you like nobody else ever will. That one person who makes you feel like they are the best gift the stars could have sent you. You even sometimes feel like you could need a pinch because you feel like “ this is a dream, how come I have this person in front of me.” Then why, why is it sometimes so hard to stay together? I guess here is my theory: if you love someone that much, you will and you shall love her through times until time is no longer a privilege you have. You shall love your person no matter what life puts you up too, and be there for them no question ask. I guess what I am trying to say, true love doesn’t ask you to change or to change them, it invites you to be who you want to be and to stop being what you are not. It shows you the path to discover yourself and what your souls hide in its deepest form and it challenges you to be the best version of yourself and to embrace life with the strongest emotions and yet strike kindness and authenticity. ( Because ) don’t get me wrong here, I am not saying that love is only cakes and rainbows. On the opposite, I would even say loving truly is tough. This love thing can seem amazing one day and awful the next. There will be fighting, days when you feel alone, when you feel insecure when it seems like your partner is never listening to you or understanding your point. However, sometimes listening is probably the single skill anyone in a serious relationship can possess. You are not a mind reader. I know I am not! No one is. Pay attention to your significant other and hear both what they say and what they are not saying. Body language is the most difficult speaking language in the world, don’t forget that. If you have been refusing to listen, it is unsurprising that you have conflicts in your relationship. Listening to understand and listening to answer is a whole different concept. And so, lack of communication is the number one reason couples break up. Your lover may actually be saying something very opposite than what you assumed and thought.

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” – Proverbs 15:1

Love is selfless and patient. That is what I think.  If you have been challenged by impatience or selfishness from both your side and your significant person behaviour, the problem must be right there. You should always be patient with your significant other and them too, and both be looking for compromises when you disagree. One advice I will allow myself to give you is: let go of the little things. Oprah often said that challenges are gifts that force us to search for a new centre of gravity. 

Old energy is clearing out for new energy to enter, be patient! Don’t fight them, embrace them. Just find a new way to stand. Do not forget that you are allowed to your feelings. You are allowed to cry and to be sad or angry, but do not give up. Do not ever give up on true love in the face of adversity. Chemistry and sex are not enough to build up a long-lasting relationship, unfortunately. They are only good for a great affaire, but in life-long partnership, you want to give your heart to shared priorities, respect, affection, gratefulness and shared interests. Get that figured out before you jump the broom or create some mini-humans. 

To finish this piece, let me share a piece of my heart right there:

“ I forgive you today and I will always do. Not because you apologize or because you acknowledge the pain that I felt, but because my soul deserves peace and you deserve the true love I promised myself  I would give you through good and bad ”.

• with all my love, B