A year in lessons

Hello & Welcome,

#alongsideyourboldestfriend 

When 2020 came along, never would we have ever thought it would look like such. Never, not even for an instant, could we have imagined such a year. We got hurt and yet we also celebrated, all in the comfort of our living rooms, the big and small wins. If the world was to end tomorrow, I would hope that we learnt that the only thing truly worth holding on to is each other. I guess that once we figure out that we can’t get any bigger without anyone else by our side, the conclusion becomes rather clear, we may not need anyone else but ourselves when it comes to self-worth, however, we undeniably need each other to go further.   

As for me, this year, as I got to unravel potential, as I hope you also got to do so, I made a few realizations. Therefore, here is 2020 … in lessons.

People leave … 

My biggest fear is to lose people I cherish, I never could accept people leaving very well. It took me to have a look at loss, deep in its eye, to realize that we can’t and never will be able to make others stay. No matter how much we wish we could and how much effort we pour into it, some people just aren’t meant to stay any longer. The answer to my prayers of them staying came with the peace of letting them go. People play a role in our lives, but once their act is over, it is okay for them to leave the scene. Some times they leave you in tears, but other times they’ll deserve a round of applause. Truth is, sometimes we have to romanticize our goodbyes like our hellos.

But some do come in to stay.

Once everyone as left, we may find it hard to have the faith that some people do and want to stick around, for better or worse, they’ll keep showing up. The hard part is to let them, it allows us to be hurt, shattered even, because any soul who has been hurt knows that there always is the risk that the one who comes in decides to leave. My answer to it is simple, and I ask you, would you not rather live fully? You are too full of life, love and light to be half loved, to exist in half measures or to give half your heart. Not everyone is worth it, but some people truly are, they’ll bring you a sense of peace, and you’ll know they are worth opening your doors for.

Anything you want, you can achieve, but it requires sacrifices

This year was a lot about taking actions, we could either choose to have a down moment or make it happen for ourselves through adversity. It’s in the midst of chaos, trying to find my way into the storm, that I learn one of my greatest lessons: You can have it all, but you have to choose what your all will be. Once you know, set your eyes on the prize and stay oriented towards it. You will have to go through obstacles, many for that matter, but don’t you dare think of giving up, great things take time and it’s out of a succession of small gestures that we create great motions. Simply, small gestures require consistency, and consistency can only be achieved by making out of these actions priorities. Unfortunately, one can only have a very limited amount of priorities in a day, depending on how demanding they may be, this means that sometimes, certain things have to fall off the priority list. I guess it is an eternal battle, to choose between one reality or another, to sacrifice momentarily pleasures for the sake of longterm desires.

Know what you are willing to sacrifice 

I knew as soon as I got a business at 18 that I would not end up in bars until 5 AM, out with friends and else. I knew I could never do so, I knew I’d sacrifice a bit of my social life, which means a small group of friends who understands that I have responsibilities. I knew it meant putting off love and having a family for a little while until I could make sure I could provide for them. I knew it meant long working hours for the upcoming years, a lot of scheduling. I knew it meant my years of University would be more stressful than the average student. I knew I would have to develop impeccable discipline and work ethic to ensure I could run my business whilst still being in school and having the B0LD community. Although I knew all of this, I also knew that there are certain things I’d never compromise on, like my health, I try as much as I can to be good or my family, I spend quality time with them without making excuses. 

I knew making these sacrifices meant letting go of a version of me, to blossom into a better me. And that’s the secret, if it’s not a priority, don’t let it weigh you down.

Sharpness comes through sharpening

When in situations of crisis, notice how you grow. You do not become better by wishing to be, you have to put yourself in situations that push you to do better, that push you to present yourself as a sharper, greater version of you. You have to trust that the process through which one has to go through to truly outgrow bad habits, is not necessarily easy but the price of not doing it is much steeper than the effort it takes to push oneself. 

It is something I always knew deep down, I was brought up in an environment that valorised hard work as a virtue, but when I choose my path and my purpose became clear, I think I had not fully comprehended the gravity of what I needed to be equipped with to go on my journey. No matter how many books I could have read, and how many podcasts I listened to, nothing could have prepared me to the harsh truth of being in a situation in which I was not sure I had what it took. 

The initial reaction must not be to back off, the appropriate reaction is to take one challenge at the time and to have the faith that deep down, you have what it takes. Just like you must put charcoal under pressure to have a diamond, you must put yourself in situations that require a better version of you. 

To every problem, there are three solutions

Not one, not two, but three, at the very least. When a problem arises, you need to feel like you’ve got the control over it, you also need a solid plan, and the adaptability to let go of you can’t actually control. 

Every problem, no matter the complexity of it, has three solutions or courses of action. I often hear people saying they strive for excellence but when faced with difficulty, they seem to freeze, when the hurdles come your way, think like your life depends on it. Would that be so crazy if … ? My answer is to consider it an instant. Consider you could do it, consider your craziest ideas weren’t so crazy. 

Most people underestimate what they can do and overestimate what they actually do, your job is to dream bigger, celebrate your bon coup but focusing on improvement.

Extend your Grace 

Out of all the things I am proud of this year, extending my grace as to be the one that gave me most satisfaction. If out of the pure kindness of your heart you can find it in yourself to give the world the softness it so desperatly needs even when it costs you discomfrot, you are winning. If through hardshiip you find it in you to provide safety, if through pain you only give comfort and if through sadness you find joy, if through weaknesses you find the courage to be strong, you are winning. If you give without expecting back and if your love towards others is as unconditional as can be, than you are winning. Good heart and good character are the only things that shows one’s value. 

True love is friendship

It is not love at first sight, it might never have been nor do I think it should ever be. There might be attraction, I most certainly hope so for you, but true love, the only one that matters, is all friendship with a few sparks. It is to find in someone a bestfriend, someone with whom the conversation flows easily and their laughter brings you joy. It is in the intimacy of a smile or a brief touch.True love is friendship, it is the glance that are shared like a secret, someone with whom patience does not feel like a weigh on one’s shoulder but like the delicacy to offer each other the time to do things rightfully. Someone with whom the time could stop, because you enjoy each others company so much.

2020 has been challenges and victories and all in between, as you step into this new chapter of your life, I hope you find it in yourself to give a little more, to become more, to do more, to try more. I hope you find it in yourself to BE more. 

Hello 2021, we’re ready for you.

xx your boldest friend

Photo by Maria Orlova

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