Why you should never settle down with a partner

I’ve always been a 100% kind of girl, once I’m in, I’m all in. I guess that over the years I learnt how to bend without my whole world caving in, I’ve always shown infinite patience, with others especially – solid as a rock, I wouldn’t budge or bolt. Surprisingly enough, however, I’ve always sucked at being patient with love – I wanted it to happen all at once and yet I was never able to let go of my fears, stuck between I want you but I don’t really, I can’t wait, but I’ll wait. Ô I know, I am in my contrasts when it comes to the maters of my heart: I am a helpless romantic with a few desertion issues here and there, a profound disdain for putting my whole world on pause for the sake of love and yet I’m hoping for the kind of love that is all-consuming, easy yet a very grandiose story. I never wanted a prince charming, but a gentleman most definitely. I wanted a traditional type of love, something certain and solid, I wanted to be married, very married, and I wanted children, tons of them because they are without a doubt the most delightful company in the world to me. I still do, with all fibres of my being, I want to be a wife, a wonderful caring wife, and a Mom, an amazing loving Mother, there is not a single day that goes by without me making a little prayer to the Big Boss Up There, asking for all my prayers to be answered. My problem is, I believe people settle down, but like truly down, like a downgrade, like down right get with the wrong person at the wrong time instead of settling up, finding someone who actually brings to the table what they need and want, if truth needs to be told, I’ve always known something with my whole relationship mindset was wrong, and I’ve put the finger on it … 

People can be idiots when it comes to love – sorry, but really, they get swept off their feet and they propose, if they are lucky, it lasts, if they aren’t, it breaks. I’m panicking because I don’t want to be lucky, I don’t want to rush in and be unsure years down the road, and yet I do not want to shelter myself and miss out, maybe I am young and naive but I want love, real love. I want full-blown big love, in bold brilliant red and bright letters. A forever and always type of love, however just like I can’t bring myself to settle in life, I can’t settle for someone else. I found the antidote to my quiet impatience in a friend who once told me “ what I look for in a partner is a best friend“. Unfortunately for me, my best friend is a girl, and although I love her with all my heart and she’ll make a delightful wife, she’s not exactly my type. However, that piece of advice sunk in, it stuck with me, deep in my heart, in every one of my bone, I knew that is exactly what I ought to do. A best friend, a best friend with whom sparks fly, someone in whom I trust and I know is going to stick around through thick and thin, someone who I can bring anything to, who’s laughter brings me joy, whose eyes are always kind and who’s shoulders good to cry on, someone who’ll build a legacy with me and won’t find me too crazy. 

Once I do, meet someone this extraordinary, with whom it is easy to be, I will remind myself of this saying “ you do not rush something you want to last forever”. 

Ô because I may not know much but I know just enough to know how some people, women more often than not, tend to jump in the relationship hoping for a ring in the next year, and although I am hoping for a ring someday (an emerald in the radiant cut with the thin band precisely if my future husband is reading this in the archive hoping for some delightful sign that I would have left him a hint) ( I jest … or do I ?), I know a harsh truth: Somedays, we may not love each other just as much as the other days, we might get mad, we might not feel like seeing each other’s faces but down the road, if the foundation is strong, on the days you’ll be mad at your partner, you’ll find a friend. Someone who does not want to argue but to understand, someone who appreciates you and all that comes with it, someone who will not bolt even when things are not perfect. Then you will be able to say you have not settled down, because you will have settled up.

I guess my advice is, take the time with people. Take the time to make pancakes, to dance in your pyjamas, to talk, to not talk, to go out, to stay in, to cook, to order food, to laugh or to cry, to share, share moments, coffees and ice cream, share hoodies and mittens, good series and cool movies, share dreams, ambitions, advice, insecurities and support. Try to cherish what you get, no matter how fast or slow things may come, or how you’d hope it was different, I think we often forget a lot of things when it comes to love. We forget to appreciate the smaller details, but they are the ones we should cherish most – the small moments, the moments when you build, when you discover each other like a new song, a song you can’t help but listen to again – you’ll never get these moments again, try to enjoy and make the most of it and the truth is, if you do not find in them the lover, you’ll find in them a good friend, and that is priceless. We all have so much to teach and to learn from each other, why not take time to do things rightfully. Make your intentions good, clear and noble, be honest about where you are at and what you are hoping for. I am not rooting for you to just go with the flow but try breathing in and letting go of the things you can not control, like how love grows for instance. 

Love blooms, just like spring, one bud after the other, very slowly and yet all at once, it blooms at unexpected places, sometimes you wake up a morning and it’s just there, or you simply realize it has been there all along. 

For what it is worth, 

I hope we all marry our bestfriend, 

Yours truly, 

Your boldest friend x

Photo by Secret Garden

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