People inspire you or they drain you – pick wisely!

Until men and women start having honest conversations about who they are, what they truly feel and fear, what demons they battle with, where they lack and what they want. Love will continue to be a temporary emotion within a lot of your relationships. 

You are not responsible for the way people feel.

#byBéka

Let’s start by saying that other people’s feelings, behaviour or opinions are not your responsibility. As said in a previous article, your life is short. You only live once, which means that if you do it right, once is enough. 

With that in mind, you should never feel bad for making decisions about your own life or your own good, that could or might affect people. You are not responsible for anyone’s happiness beside your own. If a person doesn’t want to take responsibility for the consequences of their actions – good or bad –  it’s actually their problem. If a person doesn’t accept blame, the fault they cause or try to fix things for them or for the situation, well it is still not your problem. Those people, treating you badly or putting blame on you even if you did nothing wrong, or people refusing to see the truth and accept their blame, they need to learn that if they want different outcomes, they will have to make different choices. You can’t help someone that doesn’t want to be helped. Some people have to stop pointing fingers and placing blame everywhere they walk. Cause anyone that wants you to live in misery or keeps pointing blames towards you, should not be in your life, to begin with. 

It’s your own responsibility to take the actions and to make decisions to change the things you want to change in your life. Cause remember you have two options: evolve or repeat. Nonetheless, you shall never forget that nothing’s easy, even more, when you want something different, cause you can only change to the degree that you want it and accept responsibility for. 

People are selfish and that is OK.

I have unfortunately learned the hard way that I cannot always count on others to respect my feelings and my needs the same way I respect theirs. Being good to others and being kind to people doesn’t mean you’ll get a VIP pass and that everyone in your life will be good with you in return. I have also realised that even the most generous people out there are selfish at times. In fact, sometimes people, for example,  are doing charity to feel better about themselves.

Self-reliance is your best hope and your guaranteed ticket to glory. The number of people you can count on in moments of great need is shockingly small. That is true, horrible and sad, but sincere. The one side benefit I’ve taken from this — from the fact that people just think about themselves and their own things, the most of my most embarrassing moments aren’t really things anyone else remembers beside me, so props for me! You actually just have control over yourself and how you choose to be as a person and around others. You can only choose to accept reality, accept the people the way they are or walk away. 

I’ll be honest, not without difficulties of course, but sometimes the best options I had was to walk away. Only you can know! Cause let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoyed the solitude that much, it’s because when they tried to blend into the world, people would disappoint them.

That being said, pay attention to details and signs and for your own sake, stop making excuses for people. stop defending their inconsiderate words and behaviours. Instead, be selfish and take care of your own needs.

People are going to say terrible things about you, it is inevitable.

I’ve always found it curious when people would go confront people and try to start fights because someone was ‘talking about them behind their back’. In my opinion, none of it matters at the end of the day. Terrible things will be said about you. Surprise surprise! Don’t spend energy trying to convert people into friends. Cause the ones talking behind your back are not your friends, thus you should stop caring and start moving forward.

In general, people are not drawn to perfection in others. People are drawn to shared interest, shared hobbies, shared problems or circumstances. Humans connect with humans. Hiding your humanity and trying to project perfection is not going to save you from others’ negative opinions about you. Why? Because some people are just terrible human beings and if you are racking your brain to understand them, you are considered one of them. Instead, keep going, keep walking forward and remember that people have a right to their opinion and you have a right to ignore it. also people.

Despite your best efforts, people will see you how they want to see you. Be aware of your self-worth and be unapologetic about it. Remind yourself of what you want and what you need, and do it. Saying yes to others often means saying no to yourself. But only say yes to you and say no to them! Because if you always try to please others, you’ll be ignoring your own desires. Be aware of your life purpose, your goals, and your priorities.

Let the people that want to be in your life, be in your life. Don’t sweat the rest of it. Best of luck.

The way people project their insecurities onto you is not your problem.

It’s not your job to toughen someone else. You should never find yourself the victim of other people’s burdens, bitterness, smallness, insecurities and lack of strength and courage to face their problem, their reality and make different choices.

Don’t bother losing your time and energy with hypocrites or judgmental people who criticize you and put you down. They are too shallow to recognize their insecurities and their own problems. They are the ones with weaknesses and it’s often easier for them to try to make others feel bad than to look in the mirror at their pathetic reflection.

Someone shall never use someone else’s past against them. Someone should never criticize the performance of another. Someone should never laugh at someone for trying and not achieving the first time. Someone shall never lose their temper because they didn’t understand the communication or misinterpreted your words. Your mind will always believe everything you tell it. Feed it with faith, feed it with truth and feed it with lots of love. Happiness is mostly found when you stop comparing yourself to others and when you start choosing wisely the people around you.

The way people misinterpret your words to fit their own agenda is not your problem.

Some people always have a hidden agenda and will do nice things for you to gain your trust and likes because they are looking for their efforts to have pay-offs. It hurts a lot, let me tell you when someone made you feel so special yesterday and completely unwanted the next day. 

Some people are adept in manipulation others and brainwashing people close to them.  And those kinds of people believe themselves to be above rules and above humanity. There is no healthy way to be around those people. No healthy communication and problem-solving. 

what hurts us people is not rejection, it is actually the expectations we had. Yes indeed, we get hurt when we expect things from others. Lying doesn’t kill or ruin anyone, deny does. We are sad and frustrated when you know the truth and can’t do anything about it. Forgetting people’s words or actions won’t help you heal in any way possible. Forgiveness will. Cause you could forgive someone and yet want nothing to do with them again, but you need to understand that forgiveness is still the only way for anyone to put something past them or reconcile with someone.

Forgive others, not because they deserve it, but because you deserve peace.

  • with all my love, B
Photo by Sora Shimazaki

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