How to fall in love with yourself

To you, my friend, who’s love for themselves feels unavailable or unattainable, so much so that the question you might ask yourself is where on earth did the love I have for myself go?

I wish I knew, I wish all of your traumas could have been healed by a magic wand and you would have been all better, just like that. However, for someone who also has been walking through storms on their own, I guess what I have learnt from all of it is to try to stop holding so tightly to your umbrella, to stop trying not to get wet, to stop trying to get out of the storm, because sometimes, all you have left to do, is to start dancing under the rain – cliché will you say but come what may, I stand by my words. I found in the midst of chaos a love for the storms as I now know that it is only through rain that flowers grow. Perhaps, the love I hold for myself is not perfect, nor is it a straight line, but I know for one thing that I love myself enough to tell you how I went from hating me, to loving me, profoundly enough to get what I deserved every day and to never give up on anything I truly want.

My beloved quote power comes from doing the most, peace comes from accepting what can not be done `will always be my motto – that is where it all started for me, and I am most certain for anyone on their journey to self-love. Therefore, after a lot of work, thinking, soulsearching, here is a very personal take on how to dance under the rain.

The past

I am truly sorry to announce that the past officially, utterly and completely is part of the things you have to come to peace with. The parts of you you are most ashamed of, the things you may have done you find hardest to live with, the things about you you hate most, what others may have done, the part of them you truly despise, actions you disagree with or tragic course of events … all of it, whatever it may be, is now out of your control, it has happened, as unfortunate as it all may be, you have lived through it, but today, it can stop defining who you are. It is not because you walk through a storm that you are a storm, you are simply wet, maybe even soaking wet, but you will eventually dry. What I am trying to express is, you are not your traumas, your traumas do not make you, but they are part of the lessons that helped you become you. And that is why the introspection is important without grasping too tightly at what happened but really unyieldingly at the lesson. The lessons build you, they make you stronger, braver, wiser, more compassionate to yourself and others, they help you see the world in a better light. We need to learn to stop blaming trauma has the reason why we are better or worse, trauma does not make you better or worse, but the work you put in yourself towards healing and the introspection on the learning process do. 

The Now

My very favourite part of life is that we have this very moment to do the very best we can. Self-love is in the now, now is the time to take a few actions that will change completely the course of your journey, that will lift off your shoulders a weight and help you regain confidence. The steps are easier said than done, but they will eventually get you where you want to be. Self-love comes from Power and Peace, properly said otherwise it comes from confidence and forgiveness. 

I am not an expert at the whole confidence issue, I’m awfully short, I do not particularly adore my smile and I am immensely shy, however, I love myself, so much even so, that everything I do not love, I find the courage to either accept or change. I make daily promises to myself, that I consciously make the effort to keep because I know, I deserve to give myself the very best. That is the only way to build your confidence – get out of your comfort zone, and promise yourself to do what you need to do to be better, to be a better version of yourself, to move forward. You will surprise yourself with how strong and capable you are, you may fail at the first try at times, but it is part of the growth process. I have read books, and articles, and more books, only to come to realize that all you need, you already have, you simply need to build on it, to trust that at the end of the day, you are as extraordinary as you allow yourself to be.

Then comes forgiveness, human nature makes us rather prone to remember the things that have been done and to hold it above our heads as ruthless as a sword. Forgiveness is the gift that keeps on giving, ask for it, give it, to others and to yourself whenever needed. We have to learn to forgive – not for others but for ourselves, it is the weight that burdens us every step of the way. Grace, love, kindness, strength and light all come from the ability to forgive. It is okay to be unable to forget, but you have to learn to let go of anger, towards whomever, it slows you down, it makes you bitter, it leaves you shattered, and you, you are worth so much more, stop letting the past holding you back, forgive, forgive the old you, the you of today who could have done better, their past actions, their past self who could not do you right, you are worth so much more than whatever is holding back. 

The Future

Everyone has power, we all have the power to try to be better, the only thing is, not everyone has the courage to do so, and that, to me, is incredibly selfish. You alone, can make this world a better place undoubtedly, so who will be? How will you make this world a little brighter, leave it a little more improved, how will you impact the course of other people’s lives, how will you impact your life? 

I try really hard to find peace and power within my sorrow, I fight the voices in my head, the lie that tells me I can’t measure up and be good to them or to myself, the voices that tell me I am only the sum of every high and every low I go through with or without you. This is where the Future, in bright bold letters intervenes in your journey to self-love, remind yourself of who you are, who you feel like you should have been all along because it feels so right. Remind yourself of the gold lodge in your heart. 

When it all becomes too much I know it is because I vowed to be a home for my loved ones and to be a home for myself, and that the balance between the two, might be a little out. Because if you have read my piece on love, you know, just as well as I do, that you can not pour from an empty cup. When I feel weak, I know it is because somehow, I can find strength in me too. When I feel like I don’t belong, I remind myself that I am mine, mine to cherish and mine to love, mine to inspire and care for and that is my greatest honour and privilege … so I take all I have left, all my love, my kindness, my light, my softness, my grace, my strength, my determination, all of it and I will lay it all at my feet so that when I am ready, ready to step out of the shadows, I am ready for the world. And I guess this what the future is, a reminder, constant, of limitless possibilities, that only beg for you to take a chance on them. It is never too late, to believe that who you have been doe snot define who will be, you can always choose to start over, but it can only be up to you, it can not be up to anyone else, you have to want it, you have to assume that, maybe you are flawed, imperfect, scarred …. but you are worthy, of love, and of the possibility to build a version of you you are proud of. 

Seek to be better, strive to be more, because you can, ask yourself, what the very best version of me would do right now, who is that person that deep down I would love to be, chances are, only by knowing, you are halfway there. 

For what it is worth, 

I believe in you, 

Yours truly, 

Your boldest friend x

Photo by jasmin chew

1 thought on “How to fall in love with yourself”

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