a note on letting go

Life is drinking my coffee in the morning, writing this text as the autumn swirls into our lives, shaking tree’s leaves, leaving behind the feeling of a new beginning. Life is eye flirting with the barista, it is smiling at the little girl and her mother sitting across me, or even the faint scent of croissant as the sun cuddles the horizon and sets itself higher in the sky by the minute. In the midst of little life I build a big life, and in the midst of all this living, I am letting you go so I can attend to living and mostly loving better.

Letting go was like a summer rain pouring on my skull – cold, free, fresh and invigorating. Letting go was like liberating myself of demons I had carried for so long I had not noticed they were lurking in the shadows. I had to let you go, you amongst a lot of other things. I had to let go so I could find peace and continue my journey to living my potential. 

On letting go of the idea …

You have to let certain things go, like the idea of how love is and your expectations from it. Of course you have the highest standards, you’ll want doors to be opened and arms to be landed to you,  you still want neverending gazing and forever flirting. You still want a bestfriend and a partner in crime – more than just a lover. However, maybe by letting go of your expectations towards what love should have been, you will leave a chance for love just to be love. By expecting others to love you a certain way you leave no room for them to love you the way they best do. By expecting love to be a certain thing you do not leave room for it to be everything it could be, you are limiting it in a neat box of what you think it should be instead of just loving completely, as this cliche’ as been way overused and overworked, it still remains a key element, all we have to hold on to is the present and each other. 

On letting go of the need for reciprocity  …

Have you not always aspired to loving in an unconditional way? Do you not love the little things as much if not more than the big gestures? Let yourself appreciate the way their eyes sparkle when they are proud of themselves, let yourself find comfort in the way they laugh while throwing their head back like a child. Find glimmers of hope in their voice when they tell you about their dreams, see their beauty in their mess. Adore them in their finest details. If you want a love that is honest, then let it be all it is. Let it grow, appreciate the other person for what they are, for what they actually do, not what you wish they could have been or done. If you want to be at peace with the way you love, breathe in and just let it go. Unconditional love is not and never should depend on what you get back nor what you wish. You can hope to be loved in such matters, but you must first take immense pride in loving this way. 

On letting go of the distraction … 

Love is the greatest distraction there is, it fills you up with light and roams in your mind like fireflies in a night sky. It swallows us whole, consumes our every minute. If you are remotely romantic, it soares up your heart and you feel as if either you are all in or all out, a heart bouncing on every wall. It does not have to be this way. You can love in a non distracting manner without loving lukewarm, you can be passionate  and all consuming in the way you love without letting your love of others consume all your life. Good love is when your love for the other requires the best of them and of you, it requires that you push them towards the best version of themselves by giving them enough room to grow and to mature into the person they want to be and they must do the same for you. Stop requiring the silly stuff, naturally people care the way they best do. Learn their language and find peace in the way you both are growing into this life together, living the extraordinary experience of living together. We build each other up, we do not distract each other from our purposes. 

On letting go of the wrong person …

My dearest, I do not know if that person deserves you, I am not certain they are worthy. You may love them and they may love you, but love, without devotion and respect, is not enough. Love without acts of dedication is never enough. Love without shared values and friendship is not worth it. Only because it is easy to love – people are beautiful, they are full of beauty, but it is so easy to love the beauty in each other, and we should most definitely do it more often, but when it comes to choosing a lifetime partner, you have to be ready to love the unlovable. Love may conquer all but when it comes to choosing someone whom you will remain with, love can not be the only factor. Remember, we build each other up. If the person does not build with you, you are better off building your own empire. 

Someone I used to love dearly once said to me : I remember, from the moment I met you, I knew I would have done anything to make you happy just like I knew you would for me. I knew as certainly as my name that I wanted you and although it is not instantaneous for every couple, you deserve someone who grows into this mindset that whatever happens, happens, but it happens to us, we are supporting each other. 

If you surrender to someone, if you dare to choose them, know that they choose you. Because you can love and still decide not to choose them when you know they may not be right for you, because you know they will not measure up to the level of devotion and dedication you are ready to show. Be a person of virtue, choose what is fair, do not play around with hearts and be certain of your choices, speak your truths and do not lead on the wrong people. Always choose the righteous path, love as well as commit in honesty. 

For what it’s worth, 

I love you

Xx Your Boldest Friend

Photo by eberhard grossgasteiger

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