Self respect comes from self control

There is a rule of thumb for every writer when the rain pours, you shall run to the closest coffee shop, order earl grey with a splash of milk, and a little bit of honey, and then get to work. Thus here I am, my fingers tap frenetically as I rejoice in the inspiration that hits me. Lately, I have been in a whirlwind of change, a tsunami of discomfort and a tornado of learning to walk graciously within all of it. I learnt through my hardship that to navigate storms, it requires an extra dose of self love and in order to have it, I needed self respect, and thus to have that I had to realize it boils down to self control.

The first most valuable lesson I learnt when it comes to self respect is …

I wish there was a mere sign of an exaggeration but there is not, life itself is the result of many many decisions. Realizing that just like that, in a moment, in a blink of an eye, I could sell my company and move to the other side of the world, which I did, was the absolute wildest manifestation of this saying in my life. Realizing that I could cut off people who did not make me feel like a better version of myself and did not hold room for me to grow was sincerely one of the most liberating acts of kindness towards myself and them – sometimes setting someone free is exactly what they need too. There is something beautiful in recognizing that loving from a distance is some of the most unconditional and purest ways of loving someone. Realizing that falling in love is the decision of a lifetime not of a love story is the most liberating way of letting go of control and surrendering to it. Realizing that who I am today is the decision of every instant is the most freeing and yet complicated act of mindfulness. To respect yourself you must respect your truest needs, desires and bursts of intuitions. We often know what is right for us, even though we sometimes fail to act accordingly.

The second most valuable lesson I learned was self control…

If everything was my decision then what do I actually decide. It is where it all starts really. I think the first question one must ask oneself is who do I want to be? And then make the decision to act accordingly. Beware of what you are feeding your mind, body and heart, beware of the things and thoughts you nourish, they are at the root of all you are and of all you do. Focus goes where energy flows said Tony Robbins, and says I again. You are responsible for holding the promises you make to yourself, for following your intuition, for making sure you are the best version of yourself, for checking up on yourself. At the core of discipline there is self-control, and at the core of self-love there is discipline, it is because at the core of self-love and self-worth there is the ability to act in alignment to what you want, and to get really what you want well sometimes it requires forgetting about the short term pleasures and focusing on delayed gratification. There is pride and pleasure in achievement of things that demand of you certain effort. There is a special glow to those who do what they have to do in order to do what they want to do.

The real self control hack

The Rich Habit study suggests that wealthy individuals achieve about 70% to 80% of the goals they set for a day, and if this is not an exact metric to show what self control could do for you, then what is. What if we approach wealthiness to another level rather than just money, what if we include in this, health wether it is physical or mental, purpose/ fulfilment, spirituality and connection to others. All of these elements require practically daily actions, and so what if we had enough introspectivity to sit down with ourselves and ask ourselves what we did well and what we could do much better, and that once we pin point the things we could do much better we actually acted on it. Potentially lifechanging (by potentially I mean, absolutely life changing) . Usually we know what is good for us and what is not, most people choose to not entirely act on it, or to partially do, somehow, to me, it is lacking self respect on a daily basis. Many will say it is about will power, but after 5 years in business and of giving life my very best shot, I can attest within certainty that there is more value into developing an habit of discipline and excellence and kindness towards oneself and others, rather than having the motivation to do what you have to do. It is small things that truly compound and make the biggest difference in wether or not it was a “successful” day or not.

For what it’s worth,

I believe in you

xx AMH

archway in church, where architecture meets our idea of self control, lines, flow and simplicity.
Photo by Bayram Er,

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