My whole world finally collapsed, funny opening you might think but, it is true. I have been in between waters for as long as a year, wondering a little bit where my drive was, where my soul purpose was, I wondered where my heart was, and if I was still the same. I found grace in knowing that nothing ever remains unchanged and I allowed myself to be more of who I wanted to be. I allowed myself 100 ways to change my life.
To put you in context, I have finished my master’s this year, and I got a bit stuck with one of my businesses that was my primary focus. All of my friends were not done with their studies and chose new Universities to pursue their dreams (go girls). However, here I was, in the midst of endings and new beginnings wondering who I wanted to be. I graduated school quite early in a hurry to be everything I wanted to be, the fear gripping my heart so full I felt more alive than I had ever before and yet I was petrified. The soft feeling of future dreams finally at reached bloomed into my heart and thus I decided I was going to experience life as I ought to the fullest. I am a very disciplined person it has been both my virtue and my most heart-wrenching curse. I make routines and am organized with my time and my duties, it is quite easy to get into the comfort of building without challenging the border of the zones of your comfort. And dear, anything good is outside that line, thus in an effort to bring myself there, here are the small and big 100 ways I changed my life:
1. Is what you wanted still what you want?
I asked myself this question many times, I have had the same objectives for many years, as most people, but as I grow older I realize I may want certain things differently. My vision of the things I wanted changed, and the type of life I want to live has evolved too.
2. I gave more
I gave people some love, acts of kindness, more than ever. I gave more without expectations ever. I practised unconditional kindness. I refuse to hold back on how kind I am and want to be because of how stressful life gets or how certain people get.
3. Other people’s emotions (and behaviours!) no longer were in relation to me
I trusted that if the people I deeply cared about had something to say, they would. The human experience is to feel, and how indelicate of me would it be not to acknowledge the way others feel in the full range of their emotions by fear it is directed at me?
4. I got rid of all my stuff
Okay slightly extreme, but it is true, everything I owned in my apartment: I sold or donate. I was left with two suitcases. It was an experience I personally felt was very freeing, not depending on things or caring so much about material made me feel incredibly free, and the discomfort led to confidence. I donated everything that was not of important value and sold the rest. I got rid of anything that I did not absolutely need or that made me feel like the woman I wanted to be.
5. I moved across the world
Drastic but here is my take on it: you are not stuck anywhere, the world is yours, and you can change your life, in a matter of such little time. It may not solve your problems but it will heal your heart in places you may have thought it would sink. Travel, move around, or change your environment as you can, and you will see that the best version of yourself lives in places you never knew.
6. I laughed more
Nothing was funny sometimes, or not as funny as I thought giving a good laugh would be, however being grateful to be where my feet were, and cherishing bits and pieces of my happiness every time I could, made a huge difference in my approach to life. I smiled as much as I could, joy lies within yourself and nowhere else.
7. I cut my hair
And I cut it the way I always dreamt to but never dared to. Confidence skyrocketed.
8. I cleared my diet
No junk, no processed food, just good old natural ingredients. I felt better than I had in years. My skin cleared, my weight is healthy, my mood has improved.
9. I stopped being SO self-conscious
It still is not a perfect science as I struggle with this a lot but I kept on repeating to myself that I was doing the best I could with my body and that most importantly, it was the least beautiful thing about me.
10. I participated with charities that were close to my heart
I believe in giving. That is all. And so I applied it. And I found myself feeling like my time was worth more. I also donated money whenever I could and had the means, I think some people definitely need it more than I do and it is great that we are allowed to make a difference from wherever we are.
11. I confronted my fears
It meant owning my skill and developing those I lacked. Public speaking? I said yes to giving conferences on entrepreneurship. Establishing myself as an expert in my field? Study hard every day to keep above board. Fear of public appearances? I spoke my truth and my story whenever I had a chance.
12. I listened more
To my heart, to others. I learnt to listen to my intuition and choose my heart above else, moreover, I learnt to trust that my heart was kind and that my intentions were pure. I also sought understand others and not make assumptions.
13. I introspected … a lot
It is crucial but I spent a lot more time taking responsibility, managing, and thinking about my own actions and thoughts, I made them as aligned with who I wanted to be as I could. I learnt that
14. I said thank you
for the basic stuff, for the less basic stuff, I said thank you as often as I could, never let anything kind go unnoticed, that is an official new law.
15. I sold my business
Not fully, but big parts of my shares on one of my businesses? Why? because the time and the results it was bringing me were not worth the feelings I had towards it. I felt drained and overall overworked, I wanted more but did not have as much freedom of time. Thus, I focused on the things that made me happy and worked in my lane. 10/10 was my best decision.
16. 20/80, 80/20 rule
I do the most important things, the things that will have the most impactful outcome, the rest is a bonus. I save my energy for what matters most, my results speak for themselves.
17. I respected my feminine / masculine energy more and healed parts of it
I respected my softness, I respected my drive, I respected all my ambitions, from building a business empire to being a wife, I give time to both and I give them the importance I feel is right. I take time to be a lady, to cultivate grace, to care for myself, I discipline my masculine energy to push me forward, to move mountains but I embrace my femininity more fully and shamelessly.
18. I sought peace over all else
The things that gave me the peace? I did more of that and as for the things that did not? I changed them or healed them. It is a process.
19. I focused on giving that peace to others too
I had lots of forgiving to do, lots of unsaid words and most importantly lots of things to let go of. I shared my softness with anyone who may have needed it and I let go of the rest.
20. I set clearer boundaries
It is still in progress but at times, you need to preserve yourself before you give your whole heart to the world, to not burn yourself out to light up someone else’s flame.
21. I did what I felt was right
some people disagreed, others thought I was doing the best thing. I listened to what I thought was righteous and noble to do. I took the high road and chose my definition of grace every day.
22. I breathed in and let it go
You can not screw up things that are meant for you and overthinking is only going to worry you and ruin certain good things.
23. I grieved
My old life, my old self, the parts I was letting go of, change is exciting, but saying goodbye is sometimes hard, even if it is right, even if you are ready.
24. I became more mindful
Of where I was and how I was, I ensured I checked on myself and spent time appreciating life as is
25. I focused on learning and absorbing
I no longer feel shame at not knowing, on the contrary, it excites me. I listen without interrupting, I ask questions, I am curious and there is no going back. The way my friends eyes light up when they explain something to me – priceless.
26. I acknowledge that we see things as we are
we see the world through the lenses of our perceptions. It gave me both empathy and self-awareness.
27. I chose joy and serenity every day
A few breaths, a smile to myself and a reminder of a grateful heart.
28. I lived like the main character
I romanticised everything, relentlessly and made my world a book of adventures in which I play the main character. It gave me a love of process and progress.
29. I dressed for the woman I hoped to be
Everything that did not fit the elegant polished version of myself that I cultivated, left.
30. I rested assured knowing I was abundant and blessed
Being calm is the highest achievement of self, it lets in clarity.
31. I looked at my vision board first thing in the morning and last thing at night
32. I explored new ways of meditating
I found what worked for me, it changed everything. I use to see meditation as something I had to do in order to become a better version of myself, now I crave this time of the day where I sit and connect.
33. I chose love instead of control, empathy instead of assuming
I am solely responsible for myself, all I can do is accept others as they are and situations as they come.
34. I did sports I enjoyed instead of forcing myself to sweat it out
35. I kept the promises I made to myself
When I say I will do something, I do it. It built confidence and motivation.
36. I focused on being very good today
I tried doing most of one day instead of getting overwhelmed with my tomorrows. One thing at a time.
37. I tried being the woman I would look up to
It is not always perfect, but I try every day. I try to make myself proud and I wonder what a better me would do.
38. I connected with my purpose with every action I did
Before starting something or when I found myself procrastinating, I would find the reasons behind why I did so, or why it was important for me to do so. Why wake up at 5:30 AM? Because I want to meditate and journal, make breakfast and enjoy a cup of tea before I start my day because the best version of myself would do it.
39. I groomed more properly
Now do not get me wrong, I am a very well-groomed person from the start, I never look slouchy or messy. However, I took extra time to exfoliate my whole body, to gua-sha, to pluck that extra little hair,
40. I spent a lot of time, make-up free, in front of the mirror, looking for what I loved instead of being harsh
That scar on my upper lid? love it. My eyebrow slightly up looking like I am endlessly curious? love it. The green of my eyes with the dark centre of my iris? love it. The freckles? love them. My skin is like snow no matter the season? Love it.
41. I read a lot and I read about everything
Philosophie, Romance, Self Development, History, Classical Literature, Politics, Poetry, anything and everything went.
42. I flirted with life and dated myself
I try my best to charm and to see charm around me, I smiled back and took chances. I took myself out, put on my prettiest dress, felt comfortable with my company and had no shame nor displeasure doing everything alone.
43. I spoke only words of kindness
I avoided drama, gossip, or speaking ill of anyone or anything- including and most importantly myself. I tried my best to see sunshine in tornados, I tried avoiding complaining. I put myself in two modes: empathy and solutions.
44. I stopped giving importance to the opinions that did not enhance my perception
I love taking advice but I had to stop taking certain opinions on certain things, I enjoy getting drastically different opinions on everything however, I made sure the pieces of advice I took seriously did not come from someone whose position I did not desire in some way, whose life I did not admire, whose mindset I did not trust as enriching.
45. I kept a notepad on hand at all times
Busy bee? Me too. My brain can bounce on the walls like a ping pong ball if I. am not careful with my thoughts, notepad by my side, I can just write it down and refocus on my task. The pretty poem in mind while having coffee in the city? Me too. I noted it. Romantic.
46. This question ” does this support the life I am trying to create”?
This is not new, I have been doing this for years, but lately, after years of orienting myself in the same direction, I started realigning with the life I wanted to build instead of blind hustling.
47. I put myself into the mindset that I always win
Call me Blair Waldorf for this one but, I made sure I would end up reaching all of my goals. End of story. I would win, and even if I lost, it was for something better and I took myself much further than if I had not tried.
48. I stopped putting people on a pedestal
I believe everyone is absolutely exceptional and extraordinary and utterly beautiful, but I want to see them as the flawed beautiful human they are. That’s human nature, and it is perfect as is.
49. I became unapologetic
Want to dance in the rain? why not? Want a tea at the bar instead of a drink? Get it. Want to write a book? Do it. Want to post on Instagram that picture? Sure. Feel a certain way? express it. Love some unpopular stuff? Don’t care. I strive for authenticity and expand myself to be the most myself I can be.
50. I asked for the things I wanted
you do not get the things you do not adk for, but you will not deserve the things you do not work for either.
51. I accepted help
It used to make me really uncomfortable, I had to do everything on my own. Alone we go fast, but with others, we go further.
52. I took leaps of faith
Gigantics ones, I bet on myself, I moved across the world, I trustedwith a full heart, I loved with an even fuller one, I challenged myself to do what I wanted to do even where I had not had everything figured out.
53. I have all I need and what I want is already mine
All will come in time.
54. I kept everything tidy and neat
clear space = clear mind.
55. I trusted others more deeply and let go of control
opening my heart once I have been proven of loyalty, letting people in has been the most rewarding adventure of all.
56. I made the ordinary extraordinary
when the routines become the dream, that’s where it is at you know you are in the right direction.
57. I kept my biggest achievements to myself until they spoke for themselves
Expect the occasional humble brag with my friends, I kept everything under my
58. I tried listening and observing without judgement
Keeping my mind open to all the possibilities
59. I cancelled Netflix
It no longer is on my phone nor on my computer. It is too easy to lose time on this app and I wanted to be more mindful.
60. I put a timer on my scrolling apps
Like Instagram, I stop if I have spent more than an hour on it in my day in total. Mindfulness. I have never been a fan of alcohol because it gives me the sense of being mindless, I do not consume it, I felt like social media had the same effect, so I chose to consume it less.
61. Say yes to opportunities,
they do not come along that often unless you look for them and take a chance.
62. I turned pains into power
Where there was pain, I felt it, I felt it so deeply until it sank in and became a part of me that was stronger.
63. I held my mindset to higher standards
Clear mind, focused mind. I made sure the space was clean by seeking enlightenment where I felt it was foggy and by accepting more uncertainty as a part of life. I took the time to think things through so I may take imperfect actions but I am perfectly certain and assured of my decisions.
64. I walked with the knowledge I was not walking alone
My purpose may be mine and mine solely, but on our journey, we all walk towards somewhere, with that in mind, I knew I could connect with people who felt the same way about their journey in time, you’re never alone.
65. I acted from Love not for Love
I reminded myself every day in order to place my interactions with the purest intentions. I acted within where love was abundant not from where it lacked.
66. I stopped expecting things from others and let them love me the way they did best …
and appreciated every bit of it! It led to much fewer disappointments and much more sincere gratefulness and appreciation.
67. I created a routine for the person I wanted to become
I do not shy away from taking habits that I wish I had and that I know I can sustain in order to become a better me, little sacrifices took me far.
68. I have a sleep schedule and a night routine
Just like my morning routine, it makes me whole and reminds me of who I am in the midst of becoming
69. I took action … even without perfection
I strive for perfection in most of what I do, I strive for excellence actually, but ! Sometimes imperfect actions is definitely better than no action at all.
70. I observe my thoughts in a neutral way
Simply, I want to be able to think clearly, I live the full range of my emotions (and trust me, I have a LOT of them) and then I process them and rationalise.
71. I changed my mindset on discomfort
Change is painful, and discomfort is what it is: uncomfortable. But that is where it is at … growth. Staying stuck in the same place is even more painful to me. Choose your pain wisely.
72. I spent a lot of time by myself
I did that a few years ago, and I did it again. I think it allows you to process and know yourself better.
73. I went ahead and said everything I had to say to the people I was holding back from
and it felt amazing.
74. I no longer tolerate disrespectful words or actions
I simply say “please do not talk to me / do this in the such matter”, usually people are slightly surprised, but I believe in healthy communication and open dialogue. You can say truths, harsh ones, with kindness, you can prove your point without rising your voice and you can have a strong healthy debate without it going up in flames.
75. I learn how to receive
I am still working on this, but I deserve as much softness as I give, often it made me uncomfortable, but graciously accepting kindnesses and being grateful for each gesture has truly been enlightening. I feel all the more loved.
76. I stopped changing my name when I went to Starbucks
My name is Aja Marie Horváth, long, complicated, and hard to pronounce, but it is mine, and I adore my name and I want the world to call me by my name. a simple act of kindness towards myself
77. When in doubt I think ” Of course, I got this, I am Aja Marie Horváth”
as if it was a compliment, it turns the responsibility inwards, it grows confidence and dilutes shame of my capabilities. I mean, it sounds all very pretentious, but knowing silently in your head that you are *it* and you can do this, is really the best feeling.
78. Whatever my goal is, I make it close to impossible
I say close to because deep in my heart, I know nothing is. However, setting up goals that are way out of reach has gotten me to this place where I may not always make it, but I always take myself much further than if I had been “reasonable”.
79. I never say I am an entrepreneur unless really precisely asked
Being in business used to be a huge part of my personality, but I am so much more than what I do for a living, and so are you. We are not our jobs.
80. I told the people I loved how proud of them I was
We all need to hear it, myself included and I wish I heard it more often sometimes, now I never let successes, big and small, go unnoticed.
81. I stopped thinking I could not do certain things because of certain physical or mental limiting beliefs
“I’m too short to be a ballerina”, “I’m not good at math why would I try doing the MCAT ( no I do not study medicine, but I was always curious to take the exam)”, “I am not good at debating I will not participate in this discussion” all of this, no more.
82. I trusted MY body and how it felt
Eat more, eat less, no carbs, more carbs, go keto, try fasting, etc. I do what works for me now and I trust that I am doing it right by the way I feel. You do you.
83. I changed the things I did not like and found the courage to accept what would remain
84. I became what I wanted to attract in my life
the vibe, the love, the efforts, the honesty … all of it.
85. I affirmed the things I wanted
I no longer use the future tense when I make my list of goals because I trust it is already happening as I am putting in the work, I also do not talk about it.
86. I lead by example, not by ego
I try my very best in my company to lead by showing instead of by telling and ordering. Do you want your people to work hard? Lead the way.
87. I reflect and journal every day on what I hope to do better tomorrow
88. I block notifications
the people close to me know to call me when something is urgent, otherwise, I answer in my own time. I try to limit distractions as much as I can.
89. I take what I can learn from the past and the rest, I let it go.
you are not your past. That is all. Allow yourself to grow from it.
90. I spend time in nature or alone where there is a lot of people
it is comforting and yet intimidating to be of the world and to make one with it.
91. I stretch every day
I feel much more at ease in my body and I am much more flexible. Flow is so important to feel confident, and I feel like I own each of my movements more, there is grace in it.
92. I count my steps and walk as much as I can
Walking is the most underrated cardio of all times, and the most effective way to think things through in my humble opinion.
93. I ask myself if I do it out of love or out of fear
most of the things we do come from a place of love or from a place of fear, think about it.
94. I remain around people who energize me and inspire me to be better
95. I say affirmations every morning.
96. Less coffee, more water and matcha
My productivity powerhouse should not be fueled by anything else than my willpower and my discipline, coffee turned into more of a guilty pleasure than a necessity and I love it just like that.
97. I sat with what my life was now
… because it is the only way to have what comes next.
98. I focus on consistency rather than extremes
showing up every day is better than showing up once in a while, it’s a compound effect.
99. I set my states
I have little routines to enter my most creative states or my most productive states. I practice it every day so I do not lose the fine lines of it, the poise and the naturality of it, I ensure I give it a little time every day.
100. I focused on making myself worthy of the life I want to be,
I focus on becoming. I take time intentionally to reset and align myself with my purpose, life is too short to live in half measures, to love with half a heart and to give it half a chance. Seize the day.
A few books you may want to read:
- 100 essays to change the way you think, Brianna Wiest
- Good to Great, Jim Collins
- Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill
What changed your life? I am curious